Sunday, August 16, 2009

Sacrifice or Consequence

Today, I spoke with a woman who had a husband who was a sex offender. He was caught and convicted of three counts of sexual misconducts with three different 10 year old boys. I am working on my judgement of others. I don't believe anyone should judge anyone, but during our conversation she told me about how she had to change jobs and her profession has suffered immensely. She also told me the different things that people had done to her home and the different types of threatening phone calls she was getting. I understood and sympathized with her on these issues. The problem I had was when she referred to these things as sacrifices. Being the counselor I am; I let her talk, vent, and feel better. But I don't agree that those things were sacrifices. I believe they were consequences for her husbands actions. A sacrifice is a noble acknowledgement of adversity for the purpose of learning and self-improvement. I don't think the things that she is going through are correct or even deserved, but I don't think her enduring those things are the stuff of sacrifice. I admire her, though. She could easily walk away from him and let him handle his consequences alone; but once she married him, she agreed that his struggles were now hers. She agreed that they were partners who would handle whatever came their way together. A real ride or die chick. I don't believe she should expect sympathy, though. She is making a choice. She should walk strongly into this adversity, which makes it different than a sacrifice. She signed up for this when she took those vows. She solidified it when she chose to stay with him instead of leaving him after he committed his crime. In my opinion, sacrifice is a noble and beautiful thing. True sacrifice comes without whining. Consequences are often run from, and if they are ever complained about; it makes you see the person complaining in a far worse silhouette. But that's just my opinion though; and who the hell am I?


Anonymous said...

I hate to throw around terms like this but - codependency city. I think most codependents feel they are standing by someone through thick and thin, and they often do it with a real martyr heart. When delved into deeper they usually find that they do these things to make themselves appear like very unselfish people. Even though they blame the other person as sick or even selfish, they themselves are gaining something as well. And they stay in unreasonable circumstances way longer than most people. It's a very delusional way of living and sometimes it's really hard to break through delusion. It's stronger than denial. Pretty sick way of getting attention and self worth if you ask me. I also try not to judge but my experience does help me see sickness more clearly sometimes. M

Tamara said...

Life is a funny thing...I've found that we shouldn't judge because we never know when the same things (maybe slightly different)could happen to us. Kinda like walking a mile in someone else's shoes? "We are all gathered here today 2 get through this thing called life..."
On the same note, I dedicated myself to a man for a number of years who was full of larceny, never the crime mentioned but other serious offenses. It was by choice. I am not looking for attention, asking for sympathy or empathy, nor expect anyone to understand my choices. Hell at times I didn't even understand it myself.
What I can say is, that when I love I love unconditionally. I did have to walk away from the situation but not without a good college try! I wasn't a complainer nor did I want help when I was offered. I choose to be in that situation and I endured to what I considered "my end". I never considered my choices as sacrifices or consequences, just acts of unconditional love. Yes, I still love this man but not in the same way. He is and will always be my BD (Babies Daddy); for this I am eternally grateful because my children are the greatest joy in my life!!

CoJack said...

This is insane. You are telling me that this womans husband is a child molester and she stayed with him? And you feel sympathy for this woman? Sympathy for her stupidity? She is a worthless person. No need for people like that in this world. He molests children! What in this world is worse than this? And for her to stay with him is almost as bad as the crime itself. Your sympathy is misguided. I can't believe you even listened to the woman let alone understand her. She deserves people to threaten her.

Custom Search

net visitor stats
PSP Game Systems