Monday, April 27, 2009

Top Ten Mistakes Men Make In The Bedroom

While I was mourning the shutting down of KING magazine, one of my favorites, I began looking through my old back issues. In one of them, I found this list. It was made by Melyssa Ford (Google her). Let me know what you think.

1. Thinking that foreplay starts in the sack. The timer for enticing does not start once you hit the sheets. Your pre-game show is best approached as an all day affair. Women love to be wooed. Sex is a head game, in more ways than one, and women want to know you can't get them out of your mind. We love knowing that we are desired.
Men, whether your plan is to get some, rev up her engine or bring her to fast orgasm, your strategy should begin long before you enter the bedroom.
This isn't necessarily because women need a lot of time to get warmed up. Given that a couple of my girlfriends can attain an orgasm in a minute or two, at least by themselves, my sense is that the "statistic" that women need an average 20 minutes of foreplay before penetration tends to be overused.

2. Going south too soon. Do not pass go and collect $200. Diving in for the genitals too soon usually isn't the best idea. A woman needs to be properly aroused before any below-the-belt action feels good.
Be sure to focus on her entire body, head to toe, before going for the gold.

3. Ignoring the clitoris. Many men think a woman's orgasmic ability is due to penetration. Yes, there is certainly pleasure in this part of the performance, but the bell of the ball is being left out of the party.
More than 70 percent of women experience clitoral orgasm when it comes to maximum reaction, so men need to make sure they are not ignoring the clitoris. It also helps if you actually know where the clitoris is located. Some have been known to rub the urethral opening, which can be a big no-no for some ladies.

4. Missing the G spot. In digging for buried treasure, many guys don't know that X doesn't always mark the spot. Found on the front wall of the vagina, a woman's G spot may be a little higher or lower, or more to one side than the other, than often depicted.
Its size may also vary, from as small as a pea to as large as a quarter.
Hint: She needs to be aroused before you even have a prayer of finding it.

5. Becoming too goal-oriented in your efforts. There is nothing more endearing than a man who wants to play. Just don't get caught up in yourself. Your sexual exploration should be playtime for two.
Stay present in the moment. Connecting with your partner will bring the ultimate climax to both of you.

6. Gaining weight and still thinking you're attractive. "For better or worse" should include weight fluctuations, but don't let yourself go completely.
You don't know how many women have complained to me about the double standard in staying attractive: Women are expected to stay hot-to-trot, men aren't.
So if you want continued star treatment for your rock star performances, know that Meat Loaf isn't the singer to emulate.

7. Not knowing about her need to be naughty. Sometimes she needs to get in touch with her adulterated side. In fact, research has found that women are more aroused by explicit fantasies than romantic ones. Forget the prince on a white horse or canoodling on the beach.
Many women enjoy all sorts of erotica. Don't be afraid to play up her far-from-virtuous visual nature.

8. Thinking she's supposed to act like a porn star. When I was in the height of my video career, I couldn't believe how many questions I received from men about how to get their lover to do something specific in bed.
As seen in porn films, many men expect their lovers to fulfill their every fantasy. Remember that porn is fantasy, not reality. Expecting her to act like a porn star is simply not fair.

9. Thinking you're supposed to look like a porn star. Despite what XXX-rated films indicate, most women are not lusting after the three-legged man. The Mandingo package deal doesn't do it for most.
Last weekend, this topic came up with my girlfriends over cocktails. As the ladies crossed their legs, the overall consensus on "larger than life" was: "What are you supposed to do with that?"
Maybe some women are up for the challenge, but many are fine with the guy who fits within the norm. Don't be too hard on yourself for being just that.

10. Believing one orgasm is enough. She's just had a mind-blowing orgasm, maybe two. So she should be perfectly content, right? Wrong.
Women are not nearly as quick to come down from their aroused state as men are post-sex. Many can be launched right back to bliss, and many women do crave more action and orgasms, even if they were perfectly satisfied by the first experience.
Even if you're exhausted.

I'm not sure how I feel about this list. It kinda puts me in the mind of the age old saying that, "Women are never satisfied & You can never do enough for a woman". It also seems strange to see this list when I hear women complaining about not getting sex then bashing the sex that they get. If I had to summarize the list, it would look like this: 1-10. YOU"RE NOT DOING IT RIGHT!!! I think I'm gonna try to make my own list of the Top Ten Mistakes Women Make In The Bedroom. It's gonna be pretty tough, because most men don't have complaints in this area. We are easy to please. If I'm lying guys, please let me know. Maybe I'm just the average confused, man pointing the finger everywhere but at myself. But that's just my opinion though, and who the hell am I?


Good Ole Wifey said...

See, I like to arouse and be aroused all throughout the day. I want my man's complete full attention. I like to tease and be teased; not ignored. I want him to talk to me and let me know, I still turn him on.

It's true that woman want to know that there man has them on his mind. It's just those little things. I miss the early morning roll over and feel the hardness. Ok- see now I'm telling too much and getting aroused.

For all you men, start sending a little flirty - sexy note or text to your woman. Let her know you want her. It turns us on (or at least, it turns me on). Man, I get horny when I know my man wants me. We love that shit. At least I do.

Personally, I love turning my man on and making him hard. I love teasing him throughout the day and letting him know - I'm horny for you sweetie.

I think if men/women spend a little more time letting the other know that they are a sexy turn on; by the time you get to the's HOT AND HEAVY.

I like to talk nasty to my man(when I have one)there are certain things that I like to do as foreplay and those things are for me and him. I'm a romancer, so I'm going to work him UP!

I want my man to tune into my body. Careress me and adore me. Rub my bootie, kiss my body and have his way. SEX ME UP AND DO ME BABE! Imma do you, so pleassse do me.

I must say, that the last man I had- he really took care of my needs and most of my desires. (there's some new things I want to try) When I get a man, I hope he will be UP and ready for the new.

Good ole wifey wants her man to have his way and don't hold back. Sometimes, I get worried that I'm not doing something right and if I'm not...I want him to show me the right way or the way he likes it.

Good ole wifey wants open communication when it comes to pleasing her man. She wants to be free enough to learn, experience and not be afraid to try newness. I think that two people should be able to discuss in the bedroom likes and dislikes.

Good ole wifey feels: We don't need any rules. Just our bodies locking up and intertwining.(you know I gotta have my candle and music, though)!!

sorry this was long. Jus thinking about my man was making me horny

Adria said...

This one reminds me of how you always say women are never satisfied. If that is the case then why are men cheating more than women? Recent studies reveal that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship. And that is MARRIED men imagine the numbers for "unmarried but in a 'committed' relationship" are...? That 5-15% percentage higher leads me to believe that men are the ones never satisfied. Call me Curious George, but i was just wondering?

Anonymous said...

Let's face it, we all make mistakes. It's human to err...the sexual arousal/desire arena should be played by both partners.
Sexual actions are a basic instinct for us. Of course everyone has their preferences but if two people work toward one goal and are determined to please one another they shall achieve an ultimate intimate oprgasm!(sometimes instant as well!)
The trick is to communicate and WORK on that which is pleasing to your partner. The bedroom should be a place of true, genuine, and honest committment between partners...don't take your partner for granted. Always be open and honest...honesty is the best policy, and that's for real.
When you both are working together all the idiosyncrasies will become instinctive. The sexual desires will be a pleasure to accomplish for one another.

Crystal said...

I look forward to the list of what women do wrong in the bedroom. But take into consideration that a woman is different every time. It depends on her feelings at the moment, how she feels about her partner, her current state of mind, etc..A woman usually does not behave the same way or do the same things every time.

Anonymous said...

Maybe some RULES are necessary! Just kidding. I say a guideline isn't a bad idea for anyone, but we are all human men and women. Instead of judging each other on size or technique or whatever, why can't we just love each other? Really I'm asking.

Anonymous said...

We can love each other...I think that's an excellent idea but I believe the reason we have a difficult time is not because of love but because of forgiveness...hatred remains when we do not learn to forgive. That can be difficult for some.
I send Love, Peace, and Happiness to all who are reading this blog!

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